Sometimes when you watch a drama movie or TV show, there’s one particular scene that sticks to your mind, even when you don’t know why. I’ve had dozens, but these couple of months I thought about one episode from New Girl in their first season. I don’t remember what title is the episode, but it’s when Jess (Zooey Deschanel) had to broke up with a rich wealthy guy, Russell (Dermot Mulroney).
Jess found out that Russell have a bad relationship with his ex-wife, so she tried to get them all a dinner together to fix their relationship. But it was useless. In fact, Jess caught their way of irritated of one another as a spark or passion they both have left. And Jess realized that she does not have that with Russell. In that moment she was (and I thought) doing okay with Russell, this handsome rich mature guy that seems like her Prince.
When she confronted her thoughts about it to Russell, the guy said, “Passion is overrated.” Russell said it with the sense of tiredness that he had experienced it with his ex-wife. But Jess disagree. And they broke up.
Jess is disappointed, and her best friend Cece said, “It’s for the best. You don’t love him.”
Spark or passion is what makes you alive, feel butterflies in your stomach, sends you to the moon. When I watched that episode, I didn’t believe that spark or passion is important. But I don’t know why the conversation between Russell and Jess keep playing in my head. I still recall Carrie from Sex & The City said,
“How can you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu? That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.”
Yes, I’ve been like Russell. I was Russell. Tired with the sparks playing with my head. That does not mean when you have one, that relationship is meant to last. I believe that besides that, we should still maintain and work hard for the relationship. But still, when I was feeling like Russell, I longed for the feeling and I saw a couple of my friends who had it and thought, “I want those.” When you don’t have a spark with someone, is it always means you don’t love him/her?
Perhaps passion is overrated. Perhaps it felt overrated because once you get them, you can’t really stop them. It’s not like you have those with every guy/girl you met. When the relationship fail, you’ll able to see it all more in a logic state and you felt like you wake up from a dream. But aren’t we trying to chase our dreams?
Still though, relationship without passion might last, if both work hard for it. And passion can help a relationship live and alive, but also what makes you hard to let go a person, when you know it doesn’t working out.
Like someone once said, “When you’re in love, follow your heart and use your head.”