This is the time I actually let myself write in this post. I realized that I think I’ve spent half of my time (or 3/4 of my time) doing anything else than focusing on me lately. I am talking about between work, everyday errands and sleep, I rarely focus on myself. This morning I read a quote by Paulo Coelho (often inspired by his quotes) :
Remember when you were in elementary or high school? You answered many questions like what’s your dream job. Interesting enough, I remembered when I was in high school, I was asked what was my dream job and I wrote, ‘writer’. The other thing that I remembered was my classmate looked surprise even though she didn’t say anything. I wasn’t too close with her, and never see her again. I was in a quite honest place, no burden back then. It wasn’t on my school, I was in my English course class. When you took a course, you never quite too bonded with other class mates. I didn’t have to wrote ‘doctor’, ‘engineer’, ‘teacher’ or other generic answers. Maybe it’s the most honest answer I did about my dream job. And I don’t know why, I never write ‘writer’ as my dream job ever. Only in that class room. I was fond with novels, I read almost every day.
In the end of my high school year, I took a graphic design course. My mom (who knows I liked to draw and complimented it) told me that ‘graphic design’ should be the big promising job in the future. And, I was too young to quite settled for my dream job. I thought, though not too much, if I were going to be a writer, I should take journalistic major in college. My sister took it too, but I doubt that I can quite make it as one. The idea of painting with words looked like a heavy task (maybe because I was in high school and I read many books, and written many assignments). Isn’t graphic design looked cool and different enough? I thought, I have a cool mom for making me studying a cool major while others wanted their kids to learn accounting. I never wanted to be the same as others, going for a major because ‘it’s noble’, or ‘it looks prestigious’. Yup, most of them ended up doing different things or drop out and changed major. No, I didn’t want to waste my time studying something I don’t like.
Graphic design was exciting. And I never see myself actually studying in the best college. But I did. I was in the class approximately 3000 people wish to be. Boy, they did shaped me to realize that competition is rough. And friends turned into beneficial friends. It’s not a regular school, it never was. Pretty soon the assignments felt quite heavy. I wondered why I felt it was too rough for me. I was fed up with it. Wasn’t this all I ever wanted? And, if I am not enjoying this, those 3000 people will look down at me.
I was very relief to graduate exactly 4 years. But, I was expected (and shapen) to be a graphic/multimedia designer. Yes, my teacher once told me that I was going to be an editor. Well, I did. Exciting as it was, I still wanted more.
Maybe it was my natural habit to write again. I started to blog seriously. This time about film, because they inspired me so much.
Looking back, perhaps I should’ve been a writer from the start. If you read carefully, I never actually pick my own major. You might have the coolest job, and people are envy with it but in the end it’s about being comfortable and enjoying your job. But, that’s just life. You just have to take a few turns to be where you have to be.
Now, I just have to start writing. Okay.