I kind of hoping I can write this post before 2014, but there was a lot of things going on. It’s crazy.
To talk about 2013, to me it was a historic year, a year of change and a year of rollercoaster. A year I lost couple of friends, a year I met new friends, a year I let go of relationships that doesn’t work and a year of a new beginning of (hopefully) a lifetime.
I once talk about how you miss a moment but not a person. I was talking about my old friend (used to be my best friend). We bonded when we were new as employees in our office. I have been friends with her about 6-7 years when I realized that she have some issues that made her lose couple of best friends (they were mine as well). I always thought I was the exception, while other people know her reputation, but the reality was she did it to me too. I was hurt and very angry, and perhaps I deal it the wrong way. For a while, we were so angry at each other. But what’s inevitable was we grow to different person and even when I finally forgive her and let go of all the things that happened, I can’t stay being best friend with her anymore. I don’t know if she can accept that, but I can’t walk inside the lines anymore. She is she. And I am going to be myself. I think what’s change is that I walk out to my comfort zone (I was known to be her best friend) and be with myself. It was hard at first, but for a while I feel liberated. But either way, I’m thankful that I have her in my life. Forgiving her is one of the best decision I have ever made in my life, it set me free from my anger and my ego.
2013 also marks a new relationship to me. No, we didn’t have an easy beginning. Perhaps it all just a package of the test for us to be strong. But what was a large thing for me was taking a leap and taking a risk. Because at that moment, I was having issues with my previous relationship. It’s one of the relationship that doesn’t work and neither of us was being honest with it. It was quite a mess to end it, but I am really glad I made that decision. Because really, you really have to take responsibility to your own life and never look back. Now, I really feel I’m on the right track and with the right person. And thankfully, people can see it now and stop judging. If you’re sure about your decision, you don’t need people’s approval anymore.
Last year also marked the year I first wear hijab. I always picture myself to wear them when I am a married woman. But after all of the trial and problems that have happened to me, makes me searching for peace and neutral environment. I go to the Mosque at the office a couple of times, then I get addicted because I feel the place is peaceful, I went there more often. Before, I feel Mosque belongs to moslem fanatics and really stricted ones. But not really, they are there just for praying. And lots of them are simple people. After a while being there and met some new friends that wear hijab, I feel naked because I didn’t wear them. I also have couple of friends and co-workers who wear them, so I feel more like a minority and I feel strange for not wearing them. My new man supported me very much. I have some doubts coming from my own house, but it was a test for me. And then, I started collecting them and finally wear them since a week before fasting month. Alhamdullilah, let’s hope it will be a lifetime for me to wear it.
After I wear hijab, I was dedicated to wear them fashionably. Because sometimes the ones who wear them looked not so fashionable and plain. I saw many options, and it opened sooo many things I never know about the market of hijaber. There’s so many hijab shops and online shops selling variety of color and patterns and types of hijabs and their clothes. Also, there’s a lot of hijaber icon and models, celebgrammers I never knew before. I bought many new clothes. But after a while, and hearing the advices from my own man and my male friends, they said to me to wear hijab properly. Means, no tight clothes. Also, I realize the meaning to wear hijab is to protect yourself. Means, if you’re wearing it too eye catchy or too much color to attract attention, you are failing on making a point wearing a hijab. But wearing a hijab doesn’t mean hiding your beauty. But I feel the comfort and the pleasure of wearing it. I feel more safe. I no longer care that it took me longer to prepare myself wearing clothes before going to some place. But it is still a challenge to combine two pieces of clothes (top and bottom) to three pieces (top, bottom and hijab). But more on wearing hijab and its fashion later 🙂
Now I am on the process of planning my wedding 🙂 So, in 2014, I hope I can be someone’s wife. It’s funny how a year ago, I was so scared of trying this new relationship. On the contrary, this is my dream man and my dream relationship. Of course, it still needs maintaining and care, cause not everything is perfect. My man have showed me many things right and wrong, spiritually. Imagine if I have listened to my own fear and passed this, I surely will lose a lot!
2013 is a tough year for me, but I feel grateful for all of the lessons. What it has taught me is that to never fear of change, and never fear to lose someone who just think of you of an option. Trust me, if you dare enough to lose them, you’ll be greeted with a new halo.
What about you? What have you learned in 2013?
*all images except the first one are from pinterest