Being someone’s wife and as the lady of the house, have a certain responsibility that is greater than other role. As I am trying to adapt the new life, I have a certain new level of appreciation on how my parents have shaped me, especially my mother. How she always makes sure each of her child to eat vegetables and fruits every day, how she insist us to brush teeth every night before sleep, and every little detail of discipline she put to us (damn, my eyes get all teary). Now, I am the newbie version of her, in the very first line of the journey and that’s a tough class to graduate.
Before I get too serious and sentimental, let’s talk about the day where I and my husband unite 🙂 I thought to write the details of the wedding, but to write about it means I have to remember the frustrating parts of planning it. It’s very easy to get caught to the details, but the essence isn’t about souvenirs, the dress, the invitations or the venue. We women can get easily too concern about that, but my hubby back then always remember me that, “The importance of it is declaring our vows.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean we can be careless, we can only plan our best. But let’s face it, things can easily go wrong. All we can do is keep the faith that no matter what the day will run smoothly, pray everyday and at least think that the ceremony itself will be spotless.
“The importance of it is declaring our vows.”
There will be some people who think it’s their day rather than yours. Sometimes you have to remind them that it’s your day. I am lucky that my hubby is a focused person, so he always ‘put me in the right track’. He often said, ‘Dear, it’s our day. It’s once in a lifetime for us, so don’t let anyone make the decisions.’
Looking back, maybe we can plan it better and more organized. But none of us ever got married before, so we’re couple of firsts. The trick is getting after what we want, while making our parents happy with our decisions. It can be a tough thing to do, to get our parents agreeing the concept we have, so be strong. Especially when you live in East, where weddings have their own cultural elements. Remember to always discuss and talk it out with your family, and hope to have an agreement.
If you watch About Time, the part where they got married, it’s quite casual. Only few family and friends, at the parents house near the hill. It’s raining and people just run and laughing. Well, that is what me and my husband want. It’s a wedding day, it supposed to be a happy and joyful day. Not the day where we are forced to smile like a couple of statues and shake hands to the people we don’t know, while the wedding hall is filled with lots of people running for food, like a market. So, we really wanted the day to be intimate.
Of course, the down side is to have a limited guest list. When you have an intimate wedding, you can’t invite everyone. You must invite people you are close with, people you care and people who will happy to see you happy. They won’t care about the bad food, or the bad building or service. Their only task is to be there, to share the day with you and congratulate you. This is one of the toughest thing, because the culture here (Indonesia), it’s a common thing to invite everyone. If not, people will get offended. And they will start feeling that we are ungrateful to them. But the truth is, it’s an intimate day for some people, it’s not an indication to exclusive ourselves or to make people feel left out.
So often I get the saying, “Why don’t you tell me you’re getting married? Why don’t you invite me?” And their pout faces. It’s hard for me to hear it, because I protect the day so much, while maybe if I invite them, they won’t come anyway. I have some people that I invite just inspite of they are close friends of the gang/group, but they couldn’t make it anyway. So what’s it about then? Just for the feeling to be included/not feeling left out.
It’s like the saying, “I’m not telling you that it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” Planning the wedding you want is like chasing after your dreams. But you have to remember, all the beauty details are just the icing of the biggest blessing, the man/woman that is going to be your husband/wife. So if the wedding is a mess, it’s not the end of the world. The end would be if your wedding is more beautiful than you’re marriage.
Alhamdulillah, the day was a warm and beautiful day. Intimate, just like what we want. Bright sky, no rain. Family members can gather closely. Best friends (almost all) were there.
written a month after the wedding