I’ve been meaning to post this for a while, but it’s a little hard to post something that you are still in a premature phase. So, I try to write this as best as I can (following up After The Wedding).
When I was constantly searching info for wedding venues and all the details, I always found blogs specifically about a bride’s journey to their weddings. They all sound enthusiastic, confused with the options and thinking about the budget. But 90 percent of them seem to disappear after a week or after the big wedding. Why?
Well, now I am on the other side, I can tell few options why.
1. They are too busy running household. They ran out of energy.
2. The life after wedding isn’t as happy as they think, they don’t feel inspired to write.
What about me? To be honest, I’m a little in between. Well, mostly I’m number one.
When I announced to my friend that I’m getting married, he said, “Welcome to the real life.” I raised my eyebrow and thought, “But I am living a real life.” And then there’s my best friend who said it to me very honest and clear, “Marriage isn’t fun.”
Here’s the truth about my friend’s saying. There’s a big change when you’re married, where your boyfriend/girlfriend becomes your husband/wife, which means they are your life companion or living partner. Lucky for several couples that has been granted with their own house and possibly have helpers, or they are used to be independent. But even when they are all have those, they still have to manage the ‘ship’ together. The bills, the compromises, the adjustment, the house system. This is why parents wants us to have a perfect candidate for husband/wife. Because with the same background (college, social economy, work, religion), it could minimize the problems together making a marriage. Still, even with all that figured, it doesn’t guarantee for us to have a perfect marriage.
I think mostly marriage is about compromise. Sometimes, we took methods we think is correct, but in fact it is the wrong way for our spouse. Many times, we just can’t make a decision without thinking about the others. You can imagine if you married someone you don’t love, it will feel more like a sacrifice or burden. But, if you have a big heart and marry someone for the sake of observance, maybe it will be much easier.
For real moslems, husband is the leader and he take full responsibility of the wife, so the wife’s sins will be his burden. This is a big change for me, because I used to live in a house where it’s on the other way. What hit me was I was living in the wrong perspective. But I do understand, that for men it is undermining if women always demand and think they are right most of the times. But it’s important to know that it applies in the opposite direction. To sum up, demanding isn’t the wisest way to communicate.
Getting married isn’t necessarily a disaster. The best thing about it for me, is living with the person you chose to be with and make a life just the way you want it. It’s really rewarding to have your spouse’s family opened up to you and like you. Have someone who waits for you to get home and actually addicted for you to take care of them, is the little things that is precious.
If you want your life to be just they way you wanted with no changes, don’t get married. If your partner or you can’t listen to each other’s fears and doubts, don’t get married. If you only sign up for happiness and no work, don’t get married.
I think many brides only focus on making the best of their wedding day, and forgot the real thing they should focus on is life after that. Because wedding day is just the icing. You’d really prefer more beautiful marriage than beautiful wedding. Some of them seem to forgot to have a deal with their partner, what kind of system they want in their house later, which could be a great own adjustment. But with communication and compromise, anything could be done.
Just remember to keep balance. Seek happiness for both, not just for yourself or for his/her. Then I hope things will work out.
(Written 5 months after married)