I’m skipping yesterday and the day before. I was focusing on having a good rest, since my cough and flu still haven’t recovered. I also a little bit confused on what to write on this edition. I have learned many from hard times. And usually the harder the problem is, I gained far more lessons. Also, I tend to never want to make the same mistake again.
When I was in high school, I look at college to be a cool place where I belong. I should never think about science and math because since it was never my best potential, I also hate counting. I should be with the cool art kids who has extremely great taste and we like the same bands or places. But it was never happen.
I was up for the best design school in the country back then. I took special course just to pass the exam. And I did passed. There were many, many students want to be one of the students there. And, I passed and included in the 200 students over probably 10.000 people. It was very much everything back then. My mom was proud, my friends congratulated, Dad worried because I’ll be in a different city. Considering I’m the last child and I only ever live with my family, it was a big change.
Knowing lots of graduates made me have lots of friends. They have various stories, one tried the exam for the second or third time, other have their parents disagree with their choice and want them to took other ‘promising’ major. But the point was, we passed the exams and we were told to be ‘the best young people in the country’. It was major arrogance input, looking back. We were proud and happy. For some reason, it’s like we have won a trophy for being in and forget that the real world have lots more qualifications.
But that’s not the lesson I learned. After a year of general classes, we learned our own majors in second year. That’s when everything started to be so competitive, at least for me. Suddenly it was all about creating perfect and flawless assignments. Considering it involved creativity, by being in a competitive environment, the pressure and feeling other’s intimidation on their presence and their perfect work, felt hard. Especially when you live on your own.
We might passed the test to be in the college. But being in the college and prove that you deserved to be there is another thing. My college isn’t a regular college. The students isn’t the regular students. Some of them started being friends just for the sake of getting support, some already networking from there (for future sake) and some have already do design jobs. It’s quite stressing when the people next to you have already got so many experience and name, while you’re just there about to learn. The intimidation and pressure often felt too hard to deal with. And you can’t push yourself to do something great when you’re stressed.
I learned that things aren’t the way it looked sometimes. I thought it was my dream college, but when I got in, the pressures almost made me want to stop and just go home. I agree with the terms: push yourself to your limit, do the things you thought you can’t do. But I am grateful that I can graduate in 4 years, I just can’t handle more than that. I also learned that when people aim for something, they can do anything. Even when you thought he/she’s your friend. I should be careful on who should I trust. I do learn that I don’t want to be in a place where people can be so ambitious, they forgot the ethics or people’s feelings. I learned that living away from your family can be suck, and some people just can’t replace the support of your own family.
I still amazed that I can go through all that. It’s a valuable experience and lesson. Made me appreciate the kinship of every environment I have.