December and Resignation

It’s rainy in here, and to think it’s December, it’s only natural (oh and I decided to put Counting Crow’s A Long December here). I’m blogging in 4 pm at home. You’d think, it might be a luxury to some people. But it’s a question for me, since I decided to resign from my job.

It’s funny how you wondered for several months whether you should resign. It’s killing you inside, and you got moody every Sunday night because tomorrow’s Monday. You thought, ‘Should I resign now? Should I resign now?’ There’s fear teasing you every time you want to pick yes. Yet you’re so ready to write a resignation letter. The thought feels like a circus in mind, poking and laughs. You feel tired, but you can’t let go. It turns out you’re just waiting for a deal breaker.

The deal breaker happened in late October. I said to myself, ‘That’s it. I quit.’ And after that, the burden left you. For several months it feels like a big heavy suitcase in your shoulder. And when you decide to let go, it flew like a balloon bursting air. And then you feel the joy and peace you have been missing for who knows how long.

That’s when you know, it’s a mandatory thing to move on. Because it eats you inside. Working hard for something you did not care (anymore) causes you an amount of stress. True, I thought maybe a little vacation could make it go away. But it’s a short term solution.

How did this happen? How can I let those many years go by, when I should’ve quit earlier? I know, it’s happening at the very best moment. But I can’t find the answer now. Maybe I’m still processing things.

One comforting fact once you’re in another side, some friends of yours (who still working with the same job) thought that you’re great for deciding this. It occur to me that many people want to resign. But they don’t do it, trapped with the thought of paying bills and mortgage (which is something to think about). But when you becoming a lesser version of yourself, shouldn’t you at least find another job?

Well, I don’t have all the answers. You quit if you want to quit. You stay if you need to stay. But one thing I really appreciate now, is that I can look at the future with so many possibilities and hope. I can get out from that four silent walls who felt like careless friends. And I can dive in with my creativity, doing the things I have always want, as long as it’s still possible.

For you who are currently reading this because you yourself want to resign, remember no bills can ever compare to your value. As long as we’re ready to do hard work, there’ll still other suitable jobs out there. And to always keep faith.

 

 

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sunglow mama

Jakarta (Indonesian) based blogger, 33, loves beautiful things and to write about them

4 thoughts on “December and Resignation”

    1. Hi Tom, good question. I’ll take the job, because I don’t regret seeing people that ended up my best friends or ones that click with me right away. I don’t regret the lessons and experiences. Maybe it should have been shorter years, not as long as 6-7 years 🙂 But then later I won’t have met my husband. Maybe it’s just meant to be that long

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