Wife 101 : The Beginning & Changes

margo channing all about eve

“…That’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted. And in the last analysis, nothing’s any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you’re not a woman. You’re something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you’re not a woman. Slow curtain, the end.”

Please allow me to ramble and tell a little bit that’s been bugging me few months before and less now.

The quote above was said by Bette Davis, playing Margo Channing, a famous actress at the breaking point of her 20 years of career, forcibly about to lose her ‘crown’ to a younger actress, in the movie All About Eve. And she, by saying those words knew, that at certain point a women would go to their nature, being a woman. One who will be a wife, lady of the house, cooking and cleaning. Like it or not.

Funny thing is, when I watched this, I was 2 months married. Me and my husband just adapted to our new titles. I learned my new responsibilities as a wife and how I was far from perfect. I always have been good as a single woman, but  I am now someone’s wife.

I was in denial for a while, that my calling isn’t from my career anymore but from home. I saw how my career aren’t as amusing as before. I was already working for 7 years in the same space, friends and co-workers come and go, younger ones arrived and they reminded me of how I was back when I was a new employee. It was a full circle. Somehow it felt like I spent my hours in a place who didn’t needed me like my husband needed me. And somehow, I felt dealing with traffic jams and all sweat to go to the office isn’t worth it anymore. As if, the whole world conspired for me to focus on my family eventually, so it’s easier to leave it behind.

samantha marriage quote
Answering Samantha : It’s part of nature, not cliche.

Of course, I got those questions or concerns like, “What are you going to do?” “You shouldn’t quit before you got a new job.” “You can apply to these new companies and try.” “You’ve spent college and got a degree and now you want to be a full time wife?” “Don’t quit, I’ll miss having you around.” This last is from my best friend, sweet of her.

But who can judge someone’s life really? I can always look for career/money in other place, but not my husband. My main focus now is my family. I bet many women sacrificed their career, whether they like it or not. Especially, when they have found their other half. Keep in mind I also didn’t feel connected with my work environment for more than a year.

But, I admired women who keep working after having a family. It’s not an easy role and bigger responsibility for sure.

I realized that I have changed when I view SATC differently now. I feel less from single heroes like Samantha, or anyone in SATC except Charlotte and Miranda after she has a baby. The show has accompanied me in my single years. It was a guide for independent career women, celebrating their liberty and their freedom to choose their men. Though I don’t have their lifestyle exactly. We do have different cultures and religion. I can understand why men (husbands especially) hated the show. But I still find them entertaining to watch, though not share the same values.

It was something I can’t fight, leaving my 20s and my 7 years of career. Entering my 30s, I have to renew my priorities and goals. Sadly, I have to lose things that aren’t useful for my future anymore. Because, it’s going to cost more unnecessary portion of my life.

That’s the thing with changes. It’s inevitable. Sometimes, you can’t help but follow the nature.


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sunglow mama

Jakarta (Indonesian) based blogger, 33, loves beautiful things and to write about them

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