You don’t know this. But these past year I spent many times thinking I should blog, or write. Then I did. I turned on my computer, opened wordpress, write…but then, I didn’t finish.
At first I thought, perhaps I am too tired or exhausted. I am busy. I’m always busy. After my dad passed away, I thought, grief. I still managed to do some posts, but something was different. I didn’t feel as delighted as before.
How all this thing happened? It started when I was planning for my wedding back in 2013. It was crazy hectic since me and my husband planned it in only a matter of months, not a year or two like other couples. But then after we got married, the frequency was still not as often. ‘It’s okay’, I think, ‘Still adapting to a new phase of life.’ Plus, bad corner in my new home to write.
But then it goes on and on. Until now, after I resigned from my job nearly a year. I do have daily errands, freelancing job and run an online shop. Maybe I need an assistant, or time management. Still, isn’t the point of staying at home was having time to blog more (at least back when I was an employee)? Even my husband said to me last year when I was thinking to quit my job, ‘If you resign, you can blog all the time.’
Well, I wonder where’s my time?
But I didn’t realized it until I found this article. The number 1 says, forgive yourself. I suffered the guilt for not writing as much as before. Well, maybe I was busier than ever. But guilt is one thing that holds me back.
I used to write 3 times a week for my movie blog. One senior blogger overseas (that I didn’t realized was noticing my writings) have said to me in his e-mail, ‘Anybody who puts through all that (your blog), must’ve have the drive.’ I was high on that compliment. And a bit ashamed.
So, where’s the drive now? Am I a bad person to neglect my blog? I sure feel like it.
I used to say my blog was my child. I escaped to it. The truth is, I used my blog to escape from my monotonous life. I channel my creativity there. Whenever I was bored and unchallenged, I think of an exciting article. Now, life sometimes washed me down like just another sand in the beach. Perhaps if my 25-year-old see me today, she would say, ‘Girl, what happened?’
Today, my college pals was discussing over a seminar for busy mothers with a speaker from a blogger who has 5 children. And I thought to myself, ‘I need to learn from that woman’.
The thing that held me back to forgive myself was the knowledge : not to say sorry for your readers if you’re too busy to blog. You have a life. Of course, sometimes you’ll be busy. But I did have the guilt.
Like many bad things happen in the past, there’s no benefit to look in the past again and again. It happens.
I feel like a brand new person now. Please, I wish to write more after this post.