Writing ‘Guilt’

10

You don’t know this. But these past year I spent many times thinking I should blog, or write. Then I did. I turned on my computer, opened wordpress, write…but then, I didn’t finish.

At first I thought, perhaps I am too tired or exhausted. I am busy. I’m always busy. After my dad passed away, I thought, grief. I still managed to do some posts, but something was different. I didn’t feel as delighted as before.

How all this thing happened? It started when I was planning for my wedding back in 2013. It was crazy hectic since me and my husband planned it in only a matter of months, not a year or two like other couples. But then after we got married, the frequency was still not as often. ‘It’s okay’, I think, ‘Still adapting to a new phase of life.’ Plus, bad corner in my new home to write.

But then it goes on and on. Until now, after I resigned from my job nearly a year. I do have daily errands, freelancing job and run an online shop. Maybe I need an assistant, or time management. Still, isn’t the point of staying at home was having time to blog more (at least back when I was an employee)? Even my husband said to me last year when I was thinking to quit my job, ‘If you resign, you can blog all the time.’

Well, I wonder where’s my time?

But I didn’t realized it until I found this article. The number 1 says, forgive yourself. I suffered the guilt for not writing as much as before. Well, maybe I was busier than ever. But guilt is one thing that holds me back.

I used to write 3 times a week for my movie blog. One senior blogger overseas (that I didn’t realized was noticing my writings) have said to me in his e-mail, ‘Anybody who puts through all that (your blog), must’ve have the drive.’ I was high on that compliment. And a bit ashamed.

So, where’s the drive now? Am I a bad person to neglect my blog? I sure feel like it.

I used to say my blog was my child. I escaped to it. The truth is, I used my blog to escape from my monotonous life. I channel my creativity there. Whenever I was bored and unchallenged, I think of an exciting article. Now, life sometimes washed me down like just another sand in the beach. Perhaps if my 25-year-old see me today, she would say, ‘Girl, what happened?’

Today, my college pals was discussing over a seminar for busy mothers with a speaker from a blogger who has 5 children. And I thought to myself, ‘I need to learn from that woman’.

The thing that held me back to forgive myself was the knowledge : not to say sorry for your readers if you’re too busy to blog. You have a life. Of course, sometimes you’ll be busy. But I did have the guilt.

Like many bad things happen in the past, there’s no benefit to look in the past again and again. It happens.

I feel like a brand new person now. Please, I wish to write more after this post.

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Published by

sunglow mama

Jakarta (Indonesian) based blogger, 33, loves beautiful things and to write about them

5 thoughts on “Writing ‘Guilt’”

  1. Just write when you feel like it. If that means less articles, you decide. There’s no law that says you have to write every week. Forgiving yourself, good advice you got 🙂

    1. Thanks, Chris. That article really hit me. Writing when you can is a great point. But when you paid the web, there’s another consideration. I know though readers can tell if you’re passionate or not. Well it all comes down to us.

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