One of the biggest lesson I’ve learned during my 20s was how toxic being angry is.
One time, I was quite invested in a relationship-one that people find odd because this person I engage with wasn’t the most wonderful person. It kept going. Pretty sure it was because we both was in the same level or zone that we thought nobody could relate.
But then a big problem hit and things never been the same. I completely shut the relationship. I stayed silent, but people know how angry and some close people know why. The person finally reached me, but there was no solution and I think I was too angry to listen to any explanation. We eventually stopped talking.
It was then I started make things even worse, for not dealing it as it should be. Even worse, I kept the angry inside my mind like a bomb. And I met this person everyday in my life, did not make anything convenient.
In time, people around us must chose sides and people wonder why we’re not as close. We become strangers again.
I wonder though, why should I have this problem in my life. Even though now I released the anger and accept the fact that we both just not compatible anymore. I can see that he’s now okay with me and I’m fine with him. But things aren’t the same. We just grow to be different person. I probably would sit to have a cup of coffee with him just to catch up, but not be as close as before.
The wonder’s ended after perhaps a year after, when I faced another person being angry with me. No matter what I do; apologize, keeping in touch, be nice, after a while it’s like I stepped into a bomb and there the person exploded again. There was some peaceful times, but then later this person would not be okay with the things I say or do.
It never hit me just how accepting I was to every anger this person has, to the point that I realized that I felt like I’ve been bullied. Almost every time this person gets mad and pushes me to follow what he wants. It shocks me at first, given that I have strong bond with this person over the years. But I realized that in a healthy relationship, people should always been supportive to one another. Unless, it’s about things that have negative impact in our lives, that we can step in and say, ‘It’s no good for you.’ But no, I was just simply being myself and stated my principles.
I realized that I can walk out again from a relationship. Not because I’m the one who’s mad. But because I value myself.
We live in an era of differences and all of personalized things, and we’re okay with different values. As long as we’re not hurting each other. Why am I being who I am and my belief should be a barrier?
Right now, I can’t do much after I apologized. Certainly I couldn’t bend to just not make him mad. If you have strong values of something, you can’t just give it up to make someone happy. After all, we’re all grown ups. Part why I apologized because I need peace in my life but apparently he doesn’t think that way. I know, ’cause I’ve been there, that being mad all the time just won’t make you pretty or happy or fulfilled. You’re holding a toxic in your soul.
Trust me. You’re poisoning yourself. When dealing with stuff like this, talk it out. Share it with person you trust. Share it with person who knows the field. Not just to the person who would be mad when you’re mad. Looking the big picture, if you care about someone, you want to see them happy. You should be supportive to their choices. Even when you dislike the choices. If not, you’re only being mad for selfish reason.