Previously, I have told you that I have never really been one of those woman who perfectly plan to have babies. Now here comes the day where I finally am… a mother.
I always have been the last child in my parents house, until my niece was born. Up until today, my mother still sees me as a kid. Even sometimes I could not help but feel like a kid around her. Until my husband (and marriage) ‘transformed’ me to be what I am today: a woman, a wife and now a mother.
There were times in my younger life where I felt awkward with babies and kids, and honestly I found them a bit annoying.
Until I feel them in my own belly, I felt them responded me when I rub my belly or talk to them. I felt like I knew him already when I saw him right after he got out from my stomach. I also noticed how my little son got calmer (stopped crying) when I am around when he just aged 2-3 days old. Even more amazed when I breastfeed him the first, second, third time and several times after that (even today!).
You can read many things about being a mother, but there’s nothing like experiencing it yourself. How a little human come out of you, looks like you, dependant to you. So pure, so clean and innocent. Some days after labor I felt amazed that I am now a mother and there’s a little infant waiting for your presence and affection. Subhanallah, if I may say. It’s the kind of joy and wonderful so great but subtle to me that it is indescribable one should experience by herself to understand.
Now a little child is hanging on to you, this big blessing, this big joy. He brings joy to others too, brings smile and hope. Everything he do, he doesn’t understand, he just do. Cry, smile, sleep, stretch, stare. It’s a lot to take, taking care of him. But underneath you still feel happy.
I can feel exhausted at times, but once it passed I feel the amazement and joy again. It’s all forgotten.