Realize


Borrowing daily post’s theme, is the word Realize.

This isn’t quite new, but about couple of months realization. That the role of wife and mother holds quite big part of family.

What? I just noticed that? Where have I been, right?

I have been a daughter in the family for 30 years. Now I am a wife and mother. I am amazed (and frankly can get so exhausted) on how must I should (and willing to) do to be (a good one). 

See, I always saw my mother got up at 5 am and thought she must be one of those morning person. She got mad occasionally (or often) when I got up late. She just can’t sit and relax most of the time. She cleans, she orders the clutter and just go on. Now I realize, besides that she’s also a perfectionist, that she does that because that is the role of wife and mother. There’s always a mess in the house and (sadly) not every member of the family would help (willingly) to put it together. So mothers and wives would do all of the things they should do to make the house and situation under control.

The most realization I had was seeing the wives character in sarcastic TV cartoon like The Simpsons and Family Guy. Noticed that the wives was the most sensible and organized one, even when their husbands (always) making or doing crazy things? I used to thought, ‘How can they stay sane?’

Then I realized that if they fall apart or mad, the family would fall apart too. Another realization was they still there for the family because they love them. So they are there because it’s their role to be the sensible one (even when it should be both with the husbands to be sensible). Not that they aren’t allowed to be mad of flipped out, but it’s crucial for them being the most together.

You must be thinking, ‘You think too much. They are just cartoon characters!’ But if you are a wife and mother, you’ll understand more.

Some wives and mothers aren’t clean freaks or easy going, but they should not be happy seeing clutters and mess. Or, they do it because people can judge them for being sloppy. At the very least, they do it because they care and want the family to be healthy.

Well that’s just my ramble. What do you think? Happy Sunday, folks! 

between the mess

Has it been a month? My previous article is one attempt to get just a bit pickle for our wallet, perhaps it’s too obvious but one just can’t resist.

It has been 3 months and 2 weeks of me being my baby’s mother. And I have tasted the chaos and last month has been challenging. As I added my daily activity to cooking again. I have been missing making my own food, aside to tighten the budget.

Most precious jewels around your neck are the arms of your children
Source: Pinterest

My baby has been the highlight and the source of stress. Perhaps not the baby become the source of stress, but rather the daily care and unreadable mess. The baby doesn’t know, he just pee, poops, hungry and sleepy. Now he also loves to play. 
The baby has been adorable (and surely not aware of his cuteness), he loves to laugh and ‘talk’ with his bright eyes which makes me teary sometimes. He loves to prone and hopefully (watch out) he’ll be crawling soon. 

I don’t want to dish my rant and complaints, but you all probably know how chaotic being a mother of a baby. And you wish more help is around, which sometimes available. But there comes a day when everything happens at the same time. 

There were days, or, minutes you want to scream, and when you feel blessed. There were times you feel satisfied with what you have done as a mother, the next time you feel like a bad mother. 

Still, having a pure eye connection with your child beats all. The he laughs and smiles, and you forget all the mess. 

What have you been up to?

What Motherhood Feels

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Previously, I have told you that I have never really been one of those woman who perfectly plan to have babies. Now here comes the day where I finally am… a mother.

I always have been the last child in my parents house, until my niece was born. Up until today, my mother still sees me as a kid. Even sometimes I could not help but feel like a kid around her. Until my husband (and marriage) ‘transformed’ me to be what I am today: a woman, a wife and now a mother.

There were times in my younger life where I felt awkward with babies and kids, and honestly I found them a bit annoying.

Until I feel them in my own belly, I felt them responded me when I rub my belly or talk to them. I felt like I knew him already when I saw him right after he got out from my stomach. I also noticed how my little son got calmer (stopped crying) when I am around when he just aged 2-3 days old. Even more amazed when I breastfeed him the first, second, third time and several times after that (even today!).

You can read many things about being a mother, but there’s nothing like experiencing it yourself. How a little human come out of you, looks like you, dependant to you. So pure, so clean and innocent. Some days after labor I felt amazed that I am now a mother and there’s a little infant waiting for your presence and affection. Subhanallah, if I may say. It’s the kind of joy and wonderful so great but subtle to me that it is indescribable one should experience by herself to understand.

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Now a little child is hanging on to you, this big blessing, this big joy. He brings joy to others too, brings smile and hope. Everything he do, he doesn’t understand, he just do. Cry, smile, sleep, stretch, stare. It’s a lot to take, taking care of him. But underneath you still feel happy.

I can feel exhausted at times, but once it passed I feel the amazement and joy again. It’s all forgotten.

A Permission To Be You (For Mothers)

It’s a pretty hot day and moving stuff (especially when you’re pregnant) doesn’t make it less hot. I’m happy with our new place though, more windows for air to enter the space. Still have lots of stuff coming up.

When thinking what to write today, I’ve thought of several things. I don’t want to rant about how unsettling my condition today, still not completely have my things in my home and rant about my dirty laundry (the washing machine still on the old place 😦 ). But then I thought about a social media status my friend shared couple of days ago.

She said (or written),  ‘Is it still appropriate for me to listen to this (indie band that I forgot the name) when I’m a mother?’ She referenced the band to be similar like Phoenix, a band I used to listen to and even went to concert to.

phoenix wolfgang amadeus phoenix

That status, especially coming from her, just bugged me. Flashback years ago when I just know her, I realized her fondness to local indie music while I never did. Perhaps she was the one who introduced me to bands like Tahiti 80, or Bird and The Bee, and some local indie bands. As I explored (or just dipped) the world of indie music, we bonded over it as we became best friends. She took me to local youth community (a pretty hipster one) and cool book store who sell indie band albums. She just the girl who knows the cool stuff. In fact, we both did.

Then, she got married and got pregnant in matter of months. I never hang out with her a lot like I used to. Then I got married and pregnant too. Sometimes we made time to hang out and she brought her kid along, but lately never. I admit, listening to music surely not the first priority, but when I do, it’s a leisure and great time. I still need music when I work. Sometimes I discover new music and happy with my foundings.

But asking permission if I can listen a music?

From what I observed and experienced, women can drastically change after they got married. Our first priority is family. So, knowing the cool stuff and looking up-to-date with trends? That’s like number 76. Maybe it’s different with working mom with a job demand to still be and looking hip. But if you see a mother with a weird looking mix match style, it’s normal because she’s got kids and perhaps have no one to help her with home errands. They won’t have time to do ‘me time’ a lot. TV and gadgets perhaps dominated by her kids taste, like Barney or Sesame Street, or Pixar movies. It’s normal if perhaps they lose themselves.

But if there’s one small time to do ‘me time’, most mothers could connect to their inner self. Some do knitting, crafting, gardening or working out. One of the easiest is to listen to music. Well, even when you’re single, you’re playlist could contain some guilty pleasures, like Justin Bieber, or Hanson. That’s normal, whether you like to admit you have them or not. Your personal playlist is private and personal. And I always consider that as your privilege or right. Maybe you’ll never know my music taste if you see my appearance today. Especially with the hijab and covered clothes.

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from the movie Begin Again (2014)

I used to judge a person by their looks. But now not I’m not so shocked anymore. Any guy with scary face can fond of a Bollywood movie, any sweet looking girl can listen to rock music. Why put labels on anything? It’s tiring. A person sometimes not like what they appear to be.

So, asking permission if you can listen a music? Is like asking, can I watch this TV show or movie. Or asking, can I eat this chocolate cake? As long as the thing doesn’t influence you or your kid bad, it’s still always legal and always OK.

I can relate to when I look at my leather jacket (it’s a gift and now the skin is damaged) and thought if I still appropriate to wear them. When I wear them, I always feel 100 times cooler. My single self said, ‘Of course you do! Just wear it with a compatible outfits.’ And the other said, ‘Yeah, should just wear capuchons or other jacket.’ The first is the optimistic, the other is a lazy negative one. I never pick one of them for a lifetime, because one day you feel you can wear a leather jacket, one day you just don’t.

So asking if you can listen a music? Unless the music you listen is about suicide or other self-harm themed, of course you can, it’s your me-time and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself like that. After all, music is often associated with your identity. So, it explains a lot if you have to ask for these stuff!

You don’t have to ask permission to be you.

Angelina Jolie and Being a Mother

February’s ending already, so soon! I’ve entered 27 weeks of pregnancy, so many development and I can feel the baby’s movement in my belly. Also heard his heartbeat couple of weeks ago, such an amazing thing.

There’s a lot of topic to blog. But what comes to my mind this morning, was Angelina Jolie’s statement about how she never wanted to be a mother.

“It’s strange, I never wanted to have a baby. I never wanted to be pregnant. I never babysat. I never thought of myself as a mother,” the now mother-of-six revealed.

It was while playing with children at a Cambodian school during an early trip as goodwill ambassador for the U.N. that everything changed for her: “It was suddenly very clear to me that my son was in the country, somewhere.”

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Lovely picture of Angelina Jolie being a mother that was taken by Brad Pitt himself

Amazing how a mother of 6 kids said that. You always think when you see Angelina Jolie adopting and having a baby thinking, wow she had it (being a mother) in her blood. I never saw Angelina Jolie to be one after seeing her bad ass characters in movies.

I never actually saw myself as a mother too. Never pictured myself pregnant (except for imagining a bit what married life would be). I babysat for only maybe an hour or two for my sister’s kids, or maybe when she went out for a couple of minutes, like that counts. When I just got married, people asked when or why you’re not pregnant yet. I thought, ‘I just got married.’ I’m not Charlotte from SATC, who mastered everything about being a mother before she even got pregnant. I still amazed on the baby stuffs I should buy when I browsed it the other day.

When I just found out that I am pregnant, I wondered that if I can be a mother or have the instinct to be. One of my relative said, ‘(Don’t worry) It should come naturally.’ I think when the moment comes, the moment comes.

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from the Baby Mama movie, an exaggerated expression when it’s quite weird to eat healthy all the time

But I experience the baby kick when I played on Coldplay song the other day. When the big thunder blared, he kicked (perhaps surprised with the sound). When the TV aired someone did a bad karaoke singing as well. I feel the connection, which is something I never experience before, which is very beautiful. Or, when my husband feel and kiss the belly affectionately. Or, the urgency to eat everything that did not contain any bad element for the baby.

Of course it’s hard, being a mother, from the very early of pregnancy (well, I’m not a mother fully yet). I think that’s why women now not eager to be one, considering all the hassle and pain, and the sacrificing, and it goes on for 20 years perhaps. But I wondered though, why some women keep doing it anyway? Like why Angelina Jolie have 6 kids? Or, some families who have 12 kids and keep their sanity at the same time.

I saw their faces. It’s the joy.

Yes, motherhood. I always felt when I feel like I’m ready to be a mother, I’ll be a mother. But in some cases in my life, life throws me one before I know I’m ready.

Babies are pure, we are the ones who messes them. I think, though parents are there to guide them, kids also unconsciously ‘guide’ the parents. Test their patience and their ability (this Indonesian article said it). It’s up to the parents if they chose to be caught by it.

I said this before being a parent, so perhaps I won’t be as perfect. But it’s important to remember this after opening this new chapter. So Angelina Jolie, it’s an inspiring experience you shared. And bismillah, for me and my hubby to this new chapter.