Realize


Borrowing daily post’s theme, is the word Realize.

This isn’t quite new, but about couple of months realization. That the role of wife and mother holds quite big part of family.

What? I just noticed that? Where have I been, right?

I have been a daughter in the family for 30 years. Now I am a wife and mother. I am amazed (and frankly can get so exhausted) on how must I should (and willing to) do to be (a good one). 

See, I always saw my mother got up at 5 am and thought she must be one of those morning person. She got mad occasionally (or often) when I got up late. She just can’t sit and relax most of the time. She cleans, she orders the clutter and just go on. Now I realize, besides that she’s also a perfectionist, that she does that because that is the role of wife and mother. There’s always a mess in the house and (sadly) not every member of the family would help (willingly) to put it together. So mothers and wives would do all of the things they should do to make the house and situation under control.

The most realization I had was seeing the wives character in sarcastic TV cartoon like The Simpsons and Family Guy. Noticed that the wives was the most sensible and organized one, even when their husbands (always) making or doing crazy things? I used to thought, ‘How can they stay sane?’

Then I realized that if they fall apart or mad, the family would fall apart too. Another realization was they still there for the family because they love them. So they are there because it’s their role to be the sensible one (even when it should be both with the husbands to be sensible). Not that they aren’t allowed to be mad of flipped out, but it’s crucial for them being the most together.

You must be thinking, ‘You think too much. They are just cartoon characters!’ But if you are a wife and mother, you’ll understand more.

Some wives and mothers aren’t clean freaks or easy going, but they should not be happy seeing clutters and mess. Or, they do it because people can judge them for being sloppy. At the very least, they do it because they care and want the family to be healthy.

Well that’s just my ramble. What do you think? Happy Sunday, folks! 

Happy International Women’s Day

Happy International Women’s Day! It happens to be today, 8th March 🙂 I write this post because I am proud to be a woman.

When I was in between doing laundry, cooking and the rest of house errands, I had a thought : Women really are magnificent creatures. I mean, I don’t have kids and the responsibility of being the lady of the house, maintaining and caring for husband and home, feels like too much (sometimes, or, many times). I thought how many women can do all with kids or more without help, and while can have a full time job too.

I also recognized this when I saw The Theory of Everything (2014) which is basically a story of Stephen Hawking and his ex-wife Jane running their marriage, while it lasted. Jane wanted to marry Stephen even though Stephen has diagnosed for his physical illness, even when Stephen’s parents warned her how hard it should be for her. Stephen and Jane have three children. So basically, Jane had to take care of his husband (even before he has wheelchair) and three kids alone. In reality, I read that Jane had Stephen’s students to live in their house and help her, but did not mentioned or filmed in the movie.

theory everything_jane_500

I know that Stephen Hawking is a living genius and have great spirit for life despite his physical limitation (also great sense of humor). Eddie Redmayne playing as Hawking did won for Best Actor in the Oscar. But I can feel Jane’s struggle and exhaustion, aside with doing it all alone, she is a woman who is raised with religion. But his husband (up until now, as far as I know) do not believe in God (which is funny considering his extraordinary condition). It should be really hard for her. I don’t think Stephen Hawking would be as great without her support, though now they are divorced.

theory
Jane Wilde (Stephen Hawking’s ex wife) (left) and Felicity Jones (right), actress playing Jane in the movie, The Theory of Everything (2014). Felicity got nominated for Best Actress in Oscar 2015 for this role

Jane Wilde in the movie has inspired me about being a great wife. But it also warned me on still caring for our personal self, though the responsibility and all the errands can be overwhelming. It’s a challenge, but it is necessary to survive (part of why I’m blogging is also for that).

P.S.: I always liked Felicity Jones since I saw her in Like Crazy (2011), where Jennifer Lawrence was still playing small roles as another girl who dated Jones boyfriend.

Anyways, here’s why I love being a woman :
  • When people (and I mean my husband) told me, ‘You always shopping!’ I can always say, ‘I am a woman.’ Explains everything and simply put.
  • A reason to look stylish and beautiful
  • Can cry in front of people more tolerable than guys
  • I can blame on my period, when I am cranky or angry on those PMS days
  • I can watch reality shows, drama TV series and other guilty pleasures more tolerable than guys
  • I can consume or buy cutesy or girly stuffs, wearing pink without being judged
  • Things like getting a seat in a bus/train/transportation by a guy
  • Have worked in a place dominated by men, made me respected and protected by my colleagues
  • The ability to multitask (though multitasking has proven to be slowing the brain, rather than helping)
  • The necessity for a woman to be/running the kitchen (minus doing the dishes)
  • …. (for you to add)

 

Since I have house errands, I leave you to complete reasons why being a woman is great 🙂 Guys can add too!

Wife 101 : The Beginning & Changes

margo channing all about eve

“…That’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted. And in the last analysis, nothing’s any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you’re not a woman. You’re something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you’re not a woman. Slow curtain, the end.”

Please allow me to ramble and tell a little bit that’s been bugging me few months before and less now.

The quote above was said by Bette Davis, playing Margo Channing, a famous actress at the breaking point of her 20 years of career, forcibly about to lose her ‘crown’ to a younger actress, in the movie All About Eve. And she, by saying those words knew, that at certain point a women would go to their nature, being a woman. One who will be a wife, lady of the house, cooking and cleaning. Like it or not.

Funny thing is, when I watched this, I was 2 months married. Me and my husband just adapted to our new titles. I learned my new responsibilities as a wife and how I was far from perfect. I always have been good as a single woman, but  I am now someone’s wife.

I was in denial for a while, that my calling isn’t from my career anymore but from home. I saw how my career aren’t as amusing as before. I was already working for 7 years in the same space, friends and co-workers come and go, younger ones arrived and they reminded me of how I was back when I was a new employee. It was a full circle. Somehow it felt like I spent my hours in a place who didn’t needed me like my husband needed me. And somehow, I felt dealing with traffic jams and all sweat to go to the office isn’t worth it anymore. As if, the whole world conspired for me to focus on my family eventually, so it’s easier to leave it behind.

samantha marriage quote
Answering Samantha : It’s part of nature, not cliche.

Of course, I got those questions or concerns like, “What are you going to do?” “You shouldn’t quit before you got a new job.” “You can apply to these new companies and try.” “You’ve spent college and got a degree and now you want to be a full time wife?” “Don’t quit, I’ll miss having you around.” This last is from my best friend, sweet of her.

But who can judge someone’s life really? I can always look for career/money in other place, but not my husband. My main focus now is my family. I bet many women sacrificed their career, whether they like it or not. Especially, when they have found their other half. Keep in mind I also didn’t feel connected with my work environment for more than a year.

But, I admired women who keep working after having a family. It’s not an easy role and bigger responsibility for sure.

I realized that I have changed when I view SATC differently now. I feel less from single heroes like Samantha, or anyone in SATC except Charlotte and Miranda after she has a baby. The show has accompanied me in my single years. It was a guide for independent career women, celebrating their liberty and their freedom to choose their men. Though I don’t have their lifestyle exactly. We do have different cultures and religion. I can understand why men (husbands especially) hated the show. But I still find them entertaining to watch, though not share the same values.

It was something I can’t fight, leaving my 20s and my 7 years of career. Entering my 30s, I have to renew my priorities and goals. Sadly, I have to lose things that aren’t useful for my future anymore. Because, it’s going to cost more unnecessary portion of my life.

That’s the thing with changes. It’s inevitable. Sometimes, you can’t help but follow the nature.

Something That’s Kicking Ass Right Now ~ 30 Day Writing Challenge #27

6b50b5d2176991bf61507eace1918933
After I got married, I often searched small spaces management on Pinterest and websites 

Day 27 – Conversely, Write about something that’s kicking ass right now. I had to read the topic over and over again to understand, and once I connect it with the previous post, I get it. So yesterday I talked about things I’d like to improve, now I talk about things that are doing great.

Honestly, adapting marriage life was a little bit chaotic. I now have more responsibilities other than myself and a husband that is counting on me. Somehow the things that I thought was heavy and unsolvable now seem to be easy. I am now focused on what I have rather than what I loss. I start to adapting and letting this go, which makes me more peaceful and happier. At the same time, I feel positive changes in my husband too. So, as an individual we are transforming to be a better wife and husband, and as a couple we’re more integrating. It feels like we are on the same pace and rhythm, less drama and less frictions.

When I moved to a rented house, it’s relatively got smaller space, compared to my parents house. I felt stressed out with these lesser space and the fact that I need to cover myself completely in my own home whenever there’s a guest (since I wear hijab), made me feel unpractical and difficult. But I got used to it and understand that it’s part of the package. And, the complication of getting to the big road to take public transportation, also make things complicated. I have to rely on husband or ojek (like a taxi but it’s a motorcycle) to get to the front. But it’s great that I live near the station, so we can go anywhere without facing traffic jams and red lights. The down side is the train can be full of humans thinking the same thing. Thank God for the women carriage.

Not to mention, the area I lived in is further to the big city (where all things are provided). But it’s not that the area doesn’t have shops or things, but I just don’t know where to get it here. Now that I lived here, being in the center of the city with all the traffic jams just feel stuffed and too much hassle.

Hubby once said, “How can we got a bigger place, when we can’t manage small space?” This is what makes me think and in the end try to ‘master’ the small space. I start to find ways to fit more things in small spaces on web and just throw some unneeded stuffs to get in the needed stuffs. I try to find cabinets, shelf and closet that I think would be fit (not just yet, but I’ll find it). I moved some clothes I never wear to a ‘hidden closet’ so my closet looks more tidy. And try to make things not looking like a shipwreck.

After a couple of times feeling beating up and then got sick, I stopped trying to make everything perfect and do things according to my body energy. I caught the perfectionist tendency of the newlyweds and it is not healthy. Like my mom, I want things to be perfect. But it is exhausting to follow all of that. So I tend to see what can I do the best at that moment.

So I’m doing great adapting on my new life. Changes took time and I think we are going to be fine, with anything happens in the future.

That’s all. Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Image from Pinterest

Random Thoughts #3

Last random thoughts was on last year’s June! Has it been a year already? I would never thought I’d be married writing them last year, though things were getting serious. That’s what life is, so random and unexpected like that. If not, then you’re not risking enough or on your comfort zone. What is new? Forgive my ramble :

  • Subscribing for a TV cable made me watch a whole lot of new TV series. My favorites now : Friends with Better Lives, 2 Broke Girls, Big Bang Theory, Trophy Wife. I just can’t stop laughing. I still stop and watch Friends occasionally.
  • Also, now that I am a wife, I love trying new recipes. Therefore new cooking programs are my food too; Chef Michael’s Kitchen (love his kitchen, his casual method and friendly atmosphere), My Grandmother’s Ravioli (the personal touch, knowing a traditional recipe of a family and the jokes), Restaurant Takeover (from a bad restaurant to an upscale place and better food, just exciting to watch).
  • I also tried more recipes. I originally want to try more but times are challenging. Here are some I have made. My hashtag in instagram is #andinacooks. I wish I have better picture quality :

 

10611070_794853387203654_482842221_n

  • Still need to sharpen my cooking sense 😉 So far the obstacles is time and getting the right ingredients!
  • I think I had one of those perfectionist virus after the wedding. I want to get everything done perfectly, but of course considering I also work so my body can’t exactly handle all. Good thing I realize it now and just stop making everything perfect, because let’s face it, dishes and laundry won’t stop.
  • Movie-wise, I have not been a good movie lover since I can’t be as flexible as before going to the cinema. Maybe it’s good because sometimes people can get too much over something that is on trending. But what is the substance and the content? You might want to see a movie immediately over the hype, but you’ll forget the movie in less than a week.
  • Favorite 2014 movie at the moment, I’ll say Dawn of The Planet of The Apes and maybe Chef.
  • So sad with Robin Williams passed away. So unexpected. I’ve watched one of his last movies and it wasn’t good. Perhaps it wasn’t his best conscious to pick the movie in the first place. But I always love John Keating in Dead Poets Society.
  • I think I’ll write more about hijab in this very blog. Don’t be surprised 🙂
  • I really miss writing. But having someone in your room, when before it’s just you and the screen, can be a big change. I’m sure maybe in time I’ll get use to it.
  • What I am looking forward now? A change, desperately. Some aspects in my life need change, because it doesn’t fit anymore. Well I hope you can keep up.

Thoughts anyone?